Shortly after my mother was born immigrant couple had moved in to the farm next door. Like all immigrants they had their rows in thier native tounge. However, when the sound of thumping as well as screaming came across the fields, a half a mile away, my grandfather decided that it was time to interviene. He didn't want the wife being badly hurt.Making his way accross the fields he looked in the window. The husband was flat on his back on the floor, the wife was sitting on his chest screaming her lungs out.
And she had grabbed his hair and was banging his head on the floor with it. That was the thumping sound.The neibourhood stopped worrying about her welfare after that.Almost a century later and things havent changed much.The worst one I witnessed was a maniac girl who had cornered her boyfriend at the point of a kitchen knife and was screaming at him full blast.
C mon ya gutless %^&* Hit me. Ya havent got the guts.When she made another lunge at his he lifted a boot and shoved, (not kicked) her away. She promptly rang the police and tried to have him charged with wife bashing.This illustrates the first point.
Most people think that domestic violence and wife bashing are one and the same. In reality most domestics are pure screaming matches with the wife doing most of the screaming. A few are shovng matches with both parties shoving. And far fewer are either wife or husband bashings.
When police are allowed to speak freely they will normally say that the gender abuse is fairly evenly matched.Why then is it still assumed that ALL domestics are wife bashing?.A second point here is illustrated by Rowntree's "treat your man like you treat your dog" comment. Hsband bashing remains the only form of domestic violence that is socially acceptable on a large scale.And a final point is also the definition of violence against women. Try this collection, of definitions of battered wives, from the Darebin Community Centre in Northcote.
? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?.? Are you told what to do, when to do it, what to wear?.? Do you have to account for your time?.? Are you forced to have sex when you don't want to?.? Are you made to feel scared?.? Are you hit, kicked or pushed around? Do you have things thrown at, or near you?.
? Are you cut off from family and friends?.? Is your partner possessive or jealous?.? Does your partner control you and the money?.
Typical examples of wife abuse? Think again.- The average husband DOES feel as if he's walking on eggshells every time his bowels fail suddenly, and he makes a hasty dash from the garden to the toilet with anything on his boots. (If a wife threw up in his car, with a touch of morning sickness, and he yelled at her, it would certainly be listed as abuse.).- The average husband is told what to do by his wife absolutely all the time. Including how to do things that she has no knowledge of.
Something goes wrong and the average wife is promptly screaming at her husband "DO SOMETHING" That's domestic violence! That's husband bashing!.(A great many wives still take some sort of sick pride in this form of husband bashing frequently bragging to the girlfriends about how helpless her husband would be if she wasn't there to tell him what to do. I know I'm gettting confrontational now but how many times have you heard these control freaks, actually boasting about the way that they abuse their husbands in this manner genuinely believeing that their husbands would be lost without their nagging?).
- The average husband does have to account for his time. Each and every time he works back late. He's routinely accused of infidelity even though he's got the overtime money to prove otherwise. The real truth is that the workplace often feels more like a home than his home. Particularly if home means "walking on eggshells" all the time.
- The average husband is hit, kicked, and pushed around. The shelters and the law list every angry shove, by a short tempered husband, as wife bashing. Ask around your own office. Do you have a single female staff member who as NEVER, given her man an impatient shove? Including you!.- The average husband is very much cut off from family and friends. Her family is welcome in the home, his are not.
His friends are usually his workmates and they are not welcomed into the home.The Darebin Community Centre has got one thing right. All of these forms of abuse are still abuse. Blood doesn't need to flow before abuse occurs..
By: Paul Torney